I was listening to all of the Valentine’s Day stories and messages on the way into work this morning. Some were sad, some were absolutely laughable, and others made me wonder does that kind of love really exist outside of a radio call-in show. Somehow my mind wondered down the path of my absolute worst Valentine’s Day….ever. Did I say, ever? I mean, ever. Okay, okay you get the point. Back when I was in my early twenties I was dating a guy who I thought was the end all be all to what I could ever want in a man. Oh my living Jesus….to be young and dumb. Anyway, it was Valentine’s Day and he thought that he would do something special for me by treating me to a day in the city. It was to be a day of shopping, dining, and spending quality time together, or so I thought. He was a jerk the entire day. He had the attitude like he had to spend the day with me. I did not ask him for this, it was his idea!!! He was nice, then he was a jerk, then he was dismissive, then he was sweet again. A roller coaster of emotions that quite honestly was making me sick. As the day the went by, I really just wanted to be home, away from him. On our way back from the city it was a quiet ride until he started pressuring me to stay the night with him. He knew from the start that sex was not going to be a component in our relationship, but there he went with his sweet nothings telling me how he could make me feel. Long story short on that, the evening ended up with him dropping me off at home, he called me later to tell me that he tore up my Valentine card and gave my gift to a neighbor and then hung up on me, and to add to the compounding lists of insults… to top the evening off real right, he called me again even later in the evening and informed me that he was at the nudie bar. With that, it was my turn to hang up the phone and I peacefully went to sleep knowing that this man was crazy. It was months before we talked again and by that time he was living with someone.
I know it sounds odd considering how our relationship ended, I loved that man, I mean I really loved him at one point, but something never really set quite right when we were together, but the heart wants what it wants. When times were good, they were really good, but the bad times became increasingly bad, frequent, and thus the Valentine Day fiasco, ended it all. I was always too much of this and not enough of that. In hindsight, he was so busy trying to mold me that he never really took the time to get to know who I was and I was too busy trying to show him who I was and overlooked the fact that he didn’t even care.
As I flashed back to that time in my life, now I can only identify why this did not work out as God’s protection over me and I thank Him for that unanswered prayer.
It is Valentine’s Day, I have no Valentine, no one sent me flowers or candies… BUT, my good friend – I have a grateful and peaceful heart and faith in God that He has my earthly love in mind and he is preparing us both for each other.
Helen