Mother Bear

I have held my peace with a person for well over a year. Tonight, I found out something that involved the safety of children, which put me at my limit. I went off….not completely off but just enough for some good footage (yep). This person proceeded to video tape me as I was yelling at him. Just like the devil, trying to make a big deal out of something that you did in response to his abuse, negligence, and manipulations.

So sick of seeing and hearing abuse, I am sick of the isolation and destruction that came with this thing… this thing that clothed itself and posed as “love”.
Quite surprised at myself because “old Helen from way back and around the way” would have opened up that “special can” to take care of business but I think God snatched that from me a while ago.
Say what you want. Cast that first stone, but I will not apologize, ever, for standing up for children.Helen

Not Who I Was

It is funny how the adversary will continue to do the same things in an effort to knock you off course. The things that I used to get mad at, irate at…..I just kind of shake my head now and move on.

This afternoon a notion passed through my mind that said in order for me to “have anything healthy”, healthy relationships, healthy affiliations… etc. that I was going to have to completely separate myself from a person that I have known for almost 20 some years. I kind of tucked that away in the back of my mind until stumbled across something this evening that confirmed that notion.

I have come to the conclusion that there are people who don’t want you to okay, because they are not okay themselves and sometimes you have to leave people where they are at and pray that they look in the mirror…… not to straighten the mask that they wear, but to take it off and look at themselves and the things that they knowingly to do others to cause pain, division, or just being manipulative.

The spirit of provocation is alive and knocking at the door, but I refuse to answer it…..I am not perfect, but I thank God that I am not who I was…. Helen

Man Boots

As I was digging out my winter boots this weekend I remembered a conversation that I had last winter. Margie, a co-worker, stopped by my desk to chat about the adventures of getting to work the morning of a snow storm. This is often something that is done in the office, especially in the middle of a winter storm. It is a way to kind of relax, de-stress and prepare to work the rest of the day. Margie, is always fun to talk to. She is super trendy and over all just a hoot. I asked her how her trek into work went and she onto to tell me how she sat by the window sipped hot cocoa and watched her husband shovel the sidewalk and snow from around their car. Always with an amusing story, I listened and enjoyed. Then she mentioned her boots and she kicked her leg out with a little sass and then with a gasp stopped and looked down at my boots.

“Helen”, she said sadly, “those look like man boots”. It took me a minute to gather my thoughts and to realize that she wasn’t kidding, she was serious. I couldn’t be mad, they did look like man boots, I eventually agreed with her then explained to her my morning and how I got to work.

You see Margie:

While you were watching your husband shoveling snow from the warmth and safety of your window, these boots kept me warm while I was shoveling the walks and the snow from around my car.

I know they are not the most fashionable boots, but while your husband was driving you to work to keep you safe from the traffic, a little nervous to drive myself, I left my car parked. These boots kept my feet dry and toasty while I walked almost two miles to the bus stop in about 6 inches of snow with more snow coming down.

Yes they look like man boots, but while I was standing at the bus stop the soles of these boots, like a man, were firm and strong enough to protect me from the cold snow beneath my feet, yet….. the furry insides of my man boots were soft and caressed my heels, the slope of my arches, to the very tip of my toes.

You see Margie, I want to wear sassy stiletto boots, but in my life right now it is function before fashion and with a man (which would be nice! hey I’m just sayin) or without a man, I am going to do what I need to do. So I guess we are both blessed. You are blessed that you have a husband who is willing and able to shovel and chauffeur and I am blessed that I can do these things myself.

We talked a little more about her super sassy boots and them we waved each other on. Good old Margie…..sighing.

That’s it folks function before fashion. One day perhaps I will be blessed with a husband. The soft furr of my man boots will be replaced with the soft furr on his chest. Rurrrr…..Okay that was too much! Who knows maybe I will have both, maybe I might want to help him shovel – but the question for now is ….. Do I want to rock in some red stiletto boots and break my neck or do I take care of business and get to where I need to go…I pick the latter. Besides, it would be different if I didn’t know how to sass things up a bit, I do, believe me I do….lol. Until then it is just me and my man……boots.

Peace- Helen

Odd Ball…And It’s Okay

I am an odd ball. I have never fit in and thank goodness I have never had the desire to fit in. There is this music that flows from my heart and I have enjoyed dancing to every beat of it. That doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate the “music” of others, I do, I completely do…..but time after time it seems like I am dancing “The Carlton” while everyone else is doing the bus stop or the running man or some other cool dance (okay – are those still cool? lol) Anyway, I am sure you know what I mean.
While I have always known that I am a little different, for the first time in my life I accept it…. and I am okay with it. I am not going to have “game or swagger” with men and know all of the right things to say to them. Hopefully the right one will be captivated by my quirkiness and love me anyway. I will probably always have a hair out of place or start pondering the universe with people who could care less…. this list could go on and on..lol

I am not going to fight it or beat myself up anymore….I am me and while I am me I still have some more work to do to be a better version of me, of who God created.

So my friends, are you loving on you today and most importantly are you loving on the God who made you.

Remember you are a fingerprint of God….unique in your own special way, don’t fight it.

Helen

This Sweet Addiction

 

Last Friday, I stood at the vending machine watching the smokers go out for their mid morning fix of nicotine. I scoffed at them and thought to myself, there they go to kill themselves. I made my selection, E7 – gotta get that Kit Kat Bar! As I took the bar out of the drop slot, I looked at the Snicker bar and thought that I might want that too and then it hit me……….This revelation hit me soooo hard I wanted to run away immediately. How can you run away from a truth that is wrapped all around you?

The revelation is that I am an addict. My addiction is not nicotine, sex, heroine, or alcohol….it is food.

I use food the same way that a junkie would use a drug… to escape, to escape whatever I can’t or won’t deal with. I eat my emotions, happy, sad, disappointed, anger, frustration, worry…..

I weighed myself on Saturday night and in disbelief I just stood there thinking about how I could have gotten to this point.

It ends here.

Being overweight is the most visible sign of not being in control of an area of your life. I have taken that control back! Food is not a comfort, it is not my friend, it does not end heartache….food is not a band-aid for life. Food is nutrition for your body and you have to be selective about what you eat.

Since Saturday I have lost almost seven pounds and I am so excited to keep this going. I am ready to shed this heavy garment and start to look and feel sexy again….yes I said sexy!

Before I sign off here, let me ask you this…. Do you struggle with your weight? If so, what are you eating? Guilt, anger, hurt, frustration, loss…..

Step 1: The next time you snack on something ask yourself if you are hungry or self-soothing with food.

This is a journey, a process – so this blog is not going to end here….there is more to come on the way back to a healthier you.

-7lbs and counting

Helen

I Love Being A Girl!!!!

 

I started taking belly dance classes many years ago, but I stopped because a trusted friend told me that belly dancing is a sin. Well, I think it depends on what you do with the art. I just loved the movement and how it connected with my femininity. I was not going to dance at clubs, parties, or in public, just for me and well maybe a spouse one day (blushing….) So, I started taking lessons again. Last evening the instructor showed the group this video and said that this should be our goal in our own unique way.
What – this lady is an incredible dancer! I can take that challenge though and will enjoy the wait loss that is coming with it. Belly dance may not be for everyone, but it is an outlet for me and one that really makes me glad that I am a lady (in my Shenaynay voice lol).

Bottomline: Continue to find things that you enjoy and do them. Belly dancing is controversial in some circles but again, it is what you do with it that makes the difference between a hobby and going to confession!

Peace

 

The Spirit of Giving

The holiday season or what is often called the season of giving is coming to an end. During the month of December thousands of people had warm fuzzies across the world as they gave to those who have less than most other people. Hunger does not end at Christmas, abuse shelters and homeless shelters still have needs beyond Christmas, and a child that is living at a local children’s home would still appreciate a toy or coloring book beyond the season. What am I rambling on about?

It is this….please consider allowing the spirit of giving to continue in your life through the remainder of the year and into the next. Yes, there are people who take advantage, but there are a lot more people who don’t and so many times those are the people who never ask for help.

Find a cause that you are passionate about, one that gives you butterflies and help that cause. You don’t have to help everyday or not even every week. Perhaps once a month or once every few months…. as long a you give.

Come on, let;s keep those warm fuzzies flowing. Any act of kindness or thoughtfulness counts!

Peace,

Helen

A Great Christmas Memory

Christmas Memories…..
Just a wee tot sitting in my wooden rocking chair square in front of the TV, orange/green plaid bell bottoms, orange turtle neck, and my very fashionable brown leather boots. My dad was bringing in goodies from my Aunt Helen’s house…oh the smells of cookies and huge oranges and apples. I looked around at the tree, felt the warmth from the fireplace, heard my parents in the next room…and then this commercial came on that I will never forget. It always bring back such wonderful memories of feeling safe, warm, and completely loved…..
Helen